Black Hole of Fort Worth (Click)

For many months, The Episcopal Majority has encouraged Episcopalians in dioceses such as Fort Worth, Dallas, San Joaquin, and others to share their stories with the wider community. We are grateful that Barbi Click has been willing to submit this essay for publication on our site. It appears that the Communion generally hears from the dissidents who object to the direction of the Episcopal Church, and their voices create a skewed perception of our church. We invite other loyal Episcopalians to share their stories here.

Black Hole of Fort Worth
(by Barbi Click)

Sometimes, amidst the deafening silence, we forget that our voice can be heard by those outside of this diocese. Similar to a nightmare where the dreamer is trying to scream but no sound comes out – that is what it is like here in the Diocese of Fort Worth. We try to make our voice heard, but to no avail. Even the strongest grow weary with time.

There are good people here in Fort Worth, good loyal Episcopalians who want to be members of the Episcopal Church – far more loyal Episcopalians than anyone from the diocesan offices would ever admit. There are people here who disagree strongly with the bishop of Fort Worth on many issues. Yet at what price? Many have been worn down into silence simply because they have fought for so long to no noticeable avail. Some continue to stay the course under a constant barrage of derision. Others have been driven off. Some merely walked away in disgust. There are non-denominational churches here full of past Episcopalians. There are few Episcopal choices of parishes to attend if one stands out from the crowd. I drive 50 minutes each Sunday, passing at least four other parishes just to get to one that welcomes me. This commute makes it a bit difficult to be a full part of the parish life, particularly during the week.

Because of the widespread and well known animosity to those who disagree (whether loudly or not so loudly) with the diocesan "party line," a parishioner may be sitting next to another of like mind yet never know it. It is just not talked about. There is too great a risk in voicing an opinion to one who is in full agreement with the politics of the diocese. Too many people are just not willing to poke the sleeping bear. They "just want to go to church." Therefore, the wider Episcopal Church – not to mention the Anglican Communion – does not hear the voices of the loyal Episcopalians marooned in the Diocese of Fort Worth.

This situation negatively affects not only lay people, but also clergy. Many of the clergy are fully vested in the Church Pension Fund; some are biding their time. Some of those same ones are here because they know they were called by God to be here as pastors. What would happen to their people if they bucked the system too much? If they pushed just a little too hard? While vested, they are not necessarily ready for retirement. If they do not toe the line, they are ostracized, derided, reprimanded. To whom do deacons and priests turn when it appears they are totally alone? Of course, the sanctimonious will answer that question with "Well, to God, of course!" But the church is supposed to be about community – our relationships with one another – also.

Then there are those clergy who are here because they consider themselves "in exile." They do not feel welcome in other dioceses of the church. They don't want to be in other dioceses either, simply because they have such antiquated feelings toward women. Their options have been reduced to Fort Worth, San Joaquin, and Quincy. Then there are those who have finally been able to come home; they have been in other parts of the church, in other dioceses that they considered too liberal. Now they are safely ensconced within the boys-only club.

So what is a person to do to survive? Many hide out in their parishes, believing that if they just keep their heads down and go about the business of the church, then all will be well. They do their work – preaching and pastoring, altar guild, lector or lay reader, flower guild, Daughters of the King, women's or men's groups, Bible study, vestry stuff – and try to find hope in all of that. Many succeed. Others go to the service and then back to their secular lives.

From the time of its creation in 1983 (when it was formed out of the western section of the Diocese of Dallas), this diocese has never been a part of the Episcopal Church. Those who disagree with the official diocesan stance have always been alone, cut off in significant ways from the life of the Episcopal Church, because too many people outside this diocese believed the words coming from inside; they have believed it is just "a few whiny women" complaining. As the words and actions of this diocese's leaders have grown more extreme, others are beginning to see that this is not the case. It is not just a few whiny women, nor merely a few malcontents.

There is a deep seated problem in the Diocese of Fort Worth. It may be true that no canon laws have been broken yet; but these certainly have been bent. There is discrimination here for sure. The Episcopal Church in 1976 authorized the ordination of women to the priesthood and determined that gender should not be an automatic disqualification from the discernment process, but Fort Worth has been allowed a squeaky way to violate that canon since its implementation. Of course, finding someone to speak out against the diocese might be a bit hard. Not too many of those women who have been able to squeak through the infamous (but not infamous enough) "Dallas Plan" will speak out against the practices here. They have too much to lose. Is being a priest or deacon worth that much? And what can be said of a church that allows the price to be so high for one particular group? And isn't it strange that men deacons so often are transitional deacons, while all the women deacons are members of the permanent diaconate? I am not judging the permanent diaconate or those in it – merely making an observation about the lopsided gender ratio.

What parish here will call a woman? Or better yet, what parish here will find ways to call a woman priest even when the bishop says no? What woman will sacrifice her call to say "no" to the purported adequacy of the "Dallas Plan" and demand by canon law that she be allowed to be raised up by her own parish, by her own priest, by her community into the ordination process? What woman is willing to go through the possible years of canonical wrangling? For sacrificing her call and fighting legal battles is exactly what it would entail. What a spiritual community would have to surround her to do that! What spiritual energy and fortitude it would take to sustain that journey down that long road! The woman may be found, but I don't know if the community – locally or nationally – can be.

Despite this latest puff of hot air from Fort Worth, we realize it will probably be at least 1½ years before Fort Worth makes a move to abandon the See. Since it takes two consecutive diocesan convention votes to change the constitution, the earliest action should be November 2008, assuming the diocese plans to honor its own constitution and canons. So, as I noted in another blog, it is all just posturing. Thinking that the changing of the constitution will make them one less iota part and parcel of the Episcopal Church is as convoluted as thinking that women cannot be priests. This diocese exists only and because of the fact that it is a part of the Episcopal Church. Saying it isn't so, doesn't make it right.

About the Author
Barbi Click is a member of Trinity Episcopal Church in the Episcopal Diocese of Fort Worth. She is Vice President of the South Central Region of Integrity, co-founder of Fort Worth Via Media and Via Media USA, and a novice Companion in the Rivendell Community, a religious community of the Episcopal Church. She holds a Masters of Theological Studies from the Brite Divinity School of Texas Christian University.